60 years old and still going through changes. I'm starting to write a book with the working title as posted. The story has a happy ending, but will never be confused with Disneyesque fairytales. The working subtitle is
Spirit, Soul, Abuse, and Celebration. This probably will change.
Fiction or autobiography? I'm not saying at this point. It's not always easy to tell the difference...
5/21/2013
Oops. I see. I post, you reply. See my reply below or above or whatever. Back surgery sometime in June.
8/10/13
See comments...still getting the hang of this.
8/13/2013
Writing a paper for class, learning a lot from elderly people I am interviewing. Next week I start work.
Alright, so I'm 61 now, obviously not great on follow through. Still attending Andover Newton Theological School, still looking for work. Until I make more headway on the book, I'll share a little verse now and then. Or maybe bits of papers.
ReplyDeleteFrom Me, Mom, and the Bypassed Heart:
Foreword
I remember, as a kid, learning mountain by mountain, the pain, sweat, and achievement of steady climbing, ultimately reaching each peak. Early on, I was frustrated beyond words at those times when my elation was cut short by unwanted information; I was standing on a “false peak”, with miles to go before the true summit. Looking back, I realize the view from both peaks was usually breathtaking, and both peaks marked accomplishments there was no reason to feel crestfallen about. (Pun intended.)
A couple of years after Mom's death I wrote the poem KILLER DREAM. It became part of a
collection called A Victor's Psalm, which consisted of four sections, titled Horror Show, Out of Ashes,
Primal Light, and Awe. KILLER DREAM was in the first section; as the poem was being written, it became a sincere effort to understand and forgive my mother. Some of the closing lines show this
struggle, I believe:
You know, she had every right to dream those dreams,
try to find a life where no man or woman
would oppress or betray or abandon her, no children
would resent her, throw her mistakes in her face
like acid...
...we can know, from her pain and ours,
to make those payments, no matter what,
no matter what, to make those payments
on the loves in our lives right now,
in this time, in this world
we bring ourselves to this life
as payment received and good,
with no return or guarantee needed,
no matter what.1
This poem was grueling to write, yet I was not only heartbroken, but proud and satisfied. For me, the realizations in those words were an epiphany. I could lay down the weight of pathos and bathos which had poisoned my relationship with my mother since before I could remember. The view was exhilarating, my vision clear for the first time in quite a while. I thought I had reached the peak of forgiveness. I should have been proud; I had come a long way. Yet there were more miles to hike before the true summit, as I learned more than twenty years later in a course on forgiveness taught by Professor J. Earl Thomas. There may be another, higher peak ahead, but for me this paper is at least an important stone in a significant trail cairn. I will use the concepts of Enright and Worthington as a trail manual, and use some of the structure of the course as created by Professor Thompson for orientation. Here we go.
Iridescent Scarflower
ReplyDeleteNo thorns, no rose, a rarer
plant like some weird daisy
with glittering edges
scattering dark rainbow shards,
favoring shades.of indigo.
Box shaped stem,
leaves like scimitars,
ray petals thin as onion skin,
fragile one would think, with
central florets tiny dots of onyx.
Poor baffled botanists,
the lucky ones who meet with this,
hypothesize a unique ability
to secrete something like micah,
crystalized upon all margins.
“Whyfore the name?” you may ask,
perhaps in normal language.
In certain configurations micah facets
form keen as Sweeney's razor.
Workgloves might as well be tissue paper.
Even goats avoid these pretties,
other than bloody-lipped greenhorns.
One could use forceps and shears perhaps,
yet shouldn't life so beautifully adapted
continue life precisely where it is?
30th of June, 2013
~ lwj
Start a new job as Crisis Counselor August 19th! Whhooooeeee!
ReplyDelete